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| I used to think that cheating wasn't that big of a deal. Not that I didn't think it was wrong, but rather that it was a mistake (of a serious degree of course), but one that would just take time to be forgiven for. I always thought that the typical resort to a break-up or something of that sort was just an exaggeration of emotions for sympathy, and just people being complicated, until now at least. While I'm lucky that it hasn't happened to me, I think I somewhat have a clearer understanding of how potent infidelity can be. When it applies to you, the thought kills. And if you know who she is, or even just what she looks like, the image is a million times worse.
I mean, I'm a big girl. Taken plenty of hits, and learned something from every one. But when a thought manages to invade my mess of a brain, it spreads like a stubborn infection, reminding me of it with every blink. And I don't want to think about it. Because I've convinced myself that it means nothing. But the thought is still there. And it's toxic. So how. How do you grow not to be affected by a thought? An event? A full-blown story that grew in your imagination from an utterance of just a few words? This has definitely been a recurring theme in my life, me versus my imagination. I don't think I've ever actually won.
On a brighter note, Christmas is coming! My absolute favorite holiday :) I love getting presents for others, the challenge of searching for the perfect one that someone will absolutely love. I'm starting to think I feed off of the surprise and happiness that I imagine for the person I'm giving the gift to, to make up for my streak of well, no surprises (except my brother giving me awesomely thoughtful gifts, only he cheats cause they're always super early). I can't wait to go home to visit my family and friends. This is the definitely the longest I've gone without having spent time with them. Withal, it's still going to be quite a lonely Christmas, though. But I should be used to that by now, right?
Merry early Christmas :) And happy early New Years! Get the most amazing New Year's kiss in before 2012 kills us all.
<3 Truc | | |
| I am a big girl.
I am a big girl.
I am a big girl.
I know I often say I don't really wanna grow up, but I didn't know that meant I would be growing down. My responsibility is decaying at a dangerous rate. It's been a while since I've been nearly worry-free, and I think I've hit an all time low this week. Even Sunday wasn't the typical, fresh, relaxing start that I can usually rely on. I'm tired of merely finding distractions from the weight that's been building on my back. Forgetting. Forgiving. Avoiding. And to think that there are so many exciting things coming up, but I can't seem to raise enough enthusiasm to match the excitement level that these events deserve.
I just need a break.
A fresh clean start.
To visit my family.
To visit my friends from home.
To go home.
An exciting adventure.
A pleasant surprise.
A vacation.
And bubble tea.
Pretty, pretty please :( | | |
| The mosquitoes in Houston have us all looking like fools outside 
I just got 9 bites standing in the elevator lobby trying to fill up my water bottle (30 seconds, tops). Recently, there has been a swarm of mosquitoes, birthed very suddenly. The only conclusion I can make is that two weeks ago, there was a gigantic rain storm, and about a week and a half later, the volatile mosquito Apocalypse was born. I'm not sure why I don't see mosquito spray trucks and mosquito warding lamps being posted everywhere. I almost think classes should be canceled. This bug problem feels more dangerous than the ice day that we got last year.
It's more than a severe problem. It's war. I'm going to need therapy 
<\3 TRUC | | |
| Man, I love Sunday mornings.
The sun, sweet. Cars, parked. Neighbors, friendly. No blaring honks, hooping, or hollering. No moans and groans. Or at least that's how it is in my world. Maybe my senses are selective against those disturbances, not that I mind. I'm sure for some, those disturbances are soothing soundtracks to their daily lives, but for me, I enjoy how Sunday morning filters them out.
It makes it easier to notice things, like the progress of construction. On my regular runs and biking adventures, I pass by an area home to several bulldozers, excavators, and trucks, a whole family of construction vehicles. Since the beginning of summer, I saw nothing more than metal poles, bright caution tapes, and dissembled walls of concrete. Just this morning, there was an entire, completed bridge stretching across the bayou! I'm disappointed that I never noticed parts of it, if that was visually available. And if not, I'm disappointed that I never tried to figure out what they were building.
I complain a lot about construction causing traffic and detours, but I admit, it's all pretty damn amazing. As much as people often downplay the intelligence of construction workers, I sometimes envy their knowledge about building things. I sometimes park and sit on my bike at the site of a house in the making, or in the progress of a makeover. It's almost magical how planks of wood transform into durable, trusted structures. I feel pampered almost, to have the privilege of living in what we call a house today. They can be so beautiful! Not that living in a cave would stop me from decorating it... it's still a mystery to me how it all comes together exactly. I can't wait to figure it out. I'm definitely taking part in building my own house. Maybe I'll get to start with a tree house. I've always wanted to build one.
<3TRUC
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